Do you intend to rebuke my words,
  And the speeches of a desperate one,
  which are as wind?

(Job 6:26)

Consider this truth:  Hurting people hurt people.

When someone is in physical or emotional pain it is very common that they say rash, confusing, untrue and unkind things.  This is not an excuse to do so, but it is a reality.   Pain brings great confusion.

Job describes his pain as that of a “desperate one”.  The word speaks of one who is hurting and sees no signs of relief.   Such pain causes one to despair, to lose hope.

So what can we learn from Job here about dealing with those who find themselves in a pit of despair?

One – Don’t take too personally things said by someone in despair.   Again, this is not an excuse, but often a reality that hurting people say hurting things.   Very often the things they say are untrue and not even things they themselves believe – but they are said to hurt.  Perhaps it is simply that old reality that misery loves company.   Wise is the one who gives a good measure of grace to one who is hurting.

Two – Don’t try to win a theological argument with someone in pain.   This is what Job’s friends did…foolishly and wrongly.   When someone is in pain, their view of reality can so easily be skewed and they can think and say things that even they don’t really believe.  Job pictures such words as “wind”, thoughts that burst forth without substance or ability to lock down the source.  This does not make those comments OK, and in fact God corrects Job for his folly in the book of Job.   Yet the reality for us is still here.  Wise is the one who waits to debate theology with someone until after they come up from the valley of pain.  

Three – see past the comments to the pain of one who is desperate.  The thought again is this: Hurting people hurt people.   It is helpful to remind yourself of this when someone is in pain and speaking – to look behind their words and realize there is a source of that pain that is the real issue.  Jesus did this with the woman at the well in Samaria.   Listen to her words to Jesus:

The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? Are You greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?” (John 4:11–12)

If you read those words carefully, you will find that this women is being diminutive, insulting and cutting in her words to Jesus.   Jesus could have challenged her, corrected her and rebuked her for much of what she said.  Yet, He did not, instead He held hope out to one who was desperate.

Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:13–14)

Jesus offered hope, wonderful hope.   She replies this way:  

The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.” (John 4:15)

Her reply was perhaps even caustic.  It could be that her reply was simply saying “boy, don’t I wish that were true”.  It is possible that her words still echoed with despair, with no real sign of hope.  Then Jesus went deeper…to the source of the despair.

Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” (John 4:16)

Her life had become desperate and her words hurtful – yet there was a deep pain inside this woman that drove much of what she said and did.  Successive broken relationships had left this women jaded and empty.   Jesus drove around the unkind words and got to the source.   

Perhaps, unlike Jesus, we will not always know the source of the pain in people – but so often it is there.  Perhaps God will give us supernatural insight as was displayed here.  Or perhaps some simple inquires on our part will bring the true pain to the surface.  And sometimes we will not know what it is driving such hurtful words that occasionally come our way.  Yet, wise is the one who knows that hurting people hurt people – and takes time to care and even offer a simple pray for hope to and for one who is in pain.

May God enable us to be a people known for our kindness.

“To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend, Even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. (Job 6:14)